Married With Children: Sex Life Edition

What does your sex life look like as a married couple?

No, honestly.  I want you to take a moment to really consider that question.  

Now, what did your sex life look like in the first three months of your relationship?

Do you notice any significant differences?  If so, why?

Are those reasons legitimate?  No, honestly, are they?  

Really take a moment to consider this.

Ours does not look the same and it has not in awhile.  However, over the last 24 hours, it has gotten a lot closer to the original.  Something about meeting this basic need, causes almost any and all conflict to dissipate relatively quickly. 

And, this, my friends, was the beginning of detriment in our relationship.  The greater span of distance between lovemaking, and the greater span of conflict.  And we never went too long.  I think six weeks was the maximum for us and that was right after the birth of our son.

I love sex.  There.  I said it.  I know, I know.  It’s a taboo subject.  You can’t talk about that! 

But it needs to be talked about.  I am a mom who is almost 30.  My husband is 40.  We have a 3 year old.  He works a full time job and is on call 24/7.  You read that right.  24/7!  When we went hiking in the Rocky Mountains, he had his pager phone and laptop on his back.  I wanted to throw his Macintosh mistress over the side of the mountain and watch her break into a thousand tiny pieces.

We have an 11 year old from my first marriage.   We have a lot going on.  All the time.  We are lucky if the kids stay in bed for a 7 hour stretch.  In that 7 hour stretch, sleep becomes a pretty significant priority.  

Sex?  I’m pretty sure my bush looks like a hedgehog has taken up residence.  If I tried really hard, I might be able to stretch it to my knee.  

It’s warm now, so 1/3 of the time, my legs are shaved.  Sometimes my armpits get in on the mix.  Most of the time I manage clean clothes and a shower.  Usually I smell like bacon.  

In addition to not being guaranteed a consecutive 7 full hours of sleep, my husband’s pager likes to go off right in the middle of your deepest sleep or sex, if you’re lucky enough to be getting some.  I’m glad that I love his beard, because I’m not certain he has the energy to shave.  

He turned his pager off, when he was kissing me.  I’m pretty sure that’s the sexiest thing he has ever done.  I wanted to take my clothes off right that second.

I thank God every day that he is still so handsome at 40.  I still look at him and say, “I’d tap that.”  I check out his butt when I don’t think he is looking.  And he knows exactly what I like, how I like it, and when I like it.  There is beauty in that.  

When we were in the heat of our issues, he had a co-worker ask, “Why does she stay? It doesn’t make any sense if she is so unhappy.” 

Then he paused, smiled, and said, “It’s because of that D.”

And, honestly?  Sometimes.  Sometimes that’s why I stayed.  Because of that D.  

My husband is not very affectionate.  And he has forgotten to be in the day in and day out of life.  

But I was guaranteed to have a couple times a week, usually, where I got his full and undivided attention.  Assuming everyone stayed in bed for once.  

When we met, it was an all day affair.  All day. We are too damn tired for that shit now.  Both of us.  We both take medication that messes with our libido.  All day just sounds stressful.   But bottom line is, it’s as basic a human need as sustenance and it is so neglected in marriages.  Especially in marriages with young children.  

Every day?  I can do every day.

This is love and affection to the max.  You will get no closer to another human being except for maybe growing a child.  Oddly enough, these two activities are linked. 

Before Christianity got skewed to death, sex was always such a crucial part of spirituality and connection.  It is even described as so throughout the Bible and Jesus’ teachings.  Everyone else just messed up the meaning.  

What a phenomenal way to practice consciousness with your partner.  Use it as a prayer.  Use it as a meditation.  Have reverence for your spouse.  Look at them, and thank God, the Universe, the Heavens for allowing you to be present with them, then, in that moment.  And for God’s sake, ENJOY it.  Enjoy it just as much as you enjoy a damn good lunch, because the need is about the same.  If you can eat every day, then you can also manage to have sex at least every other day too. 

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