Today I am 30.
That is me sleeping with every stuffed animal in the house so that I won’t feel lonely. In this moment, I mostly want 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I think it sums up where I am in my life right now pretty accurately.
I have more on my mind than I currently have time to sit down and express. I start, but am interrupted by motherhood. My youngest is not coping well with the Mercury retrograde, so our current focus is so much of just making it through each day. The end is in sight, and I can finally feel its effects beginning to lift. I welcome the shift with open arms. I’m ready to focus on tapping into abundance. Abundance of time, abundance of love, abundance of friendship, abundance of wealth.
I’m not sure what I want to say, just that I want to say something to mark this occasion. I mean, 30 is a big deal. I’m proud of it. I’m not too old and I’m not too young. I’m just right. At least that’s what I tell myself. I’m sure I will say the same when I’m 40, 50, 60.
I have immensely enjoyed my weekend. My husband made me and the kids pancakes for breakfast yesterday. We ordered a cheese pizza for lunch. Everyone had horrible stomach aches and we all remembered why we eat healthy. We swore off pizza until we forget how bad it makes us feel again.
My husband and the kids made me a paleo chocolate cake using the Virgo volition ghee from my friend Lindsay Hazelwood. (She read my natal chart in the spring and I still want to blog about it. It’s very interesting). When I roll out of bed, I plan on eating a piece for breakfast. Because I can. It’s my birthday.
This is very special. I haven’t had a birthday cake in 6 years. And for 6 years it drove me nuts. I love cake. What a simple, cheap, easy gift that went unnoticed.
My husband has a knack for buying over the top gifts and following it up with very little to no emotion. Last year I got a Ford Flex for my birthday. I mean, what an amazing gift. However, on the day of my birthday, he told me, “Happy Birthday,” and that was that.
For someone who isn’t very materialistic this is probably the single worst way to treat me. I find the idea of bought love insulting to my value. It would make me nauseous and I finally got to the point where I didn’t spend most holidays with him.
We have addressed this in counseling. His mother is very materialistic and both of his parents are very emotionally distant. This is how his father showed love. He amassed a lot of wealth by doing so. Which is great if you are a wife that wants to live like you’re in an issue of Good Housekeeping.
I’m a wife that would be better placed in an issue of National Geographic. So, yeah, not the best fit. I have communicated this time and time again, but he always thought it was some kind of mind game. That all women want expensive things, and that is the only way to please them. My wedding rings cost more than the car I owned at the time, and I remember thinking they are beautiful BUT WAY OVER THE TOP. Nope. Buy me adventure. Buy me experiences. Pay for my children to go to amazing schools. Hold my hand when we sleep. Keep me up until 2:00 am making love.
So for the first time in 6 years, he finally heard me. I got a Fitbit Charge HR, which is a pretty big ticket item in my opinion. He acted like he bought me a bag of Cheetos at the store. I got pancakes and pizza. And he and the kids made me a homemade paleo birthday cake. I’m blissfully exhausted because I didn’t go to bed until 3:00 am. He is a high achiever. I got everything that I wanted.
We hung out in bed. One kiddo laying next to me and one in my husband’s lap. We watched it rain outside, and I read prayers from my prayer book over the kids.
I know it seems simple. It isn’t something you would see on TV or in a magazine, but it is exactly what you would find in my heart.
I am going to get to visit my mom and dad, my brother and his wife today. I want to see my grandmother if we can manage. It is a road trip, but something I value immensely. They may not appear perfect, but they all love me exactly for who I am and I can say the same for them. They don’t have lots of college degrees, live in big houses, or can golf a good game, but they can give good hugs, laugh joyously with you, and sit and cry with you in your pain.
I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend my 30th birthday.