I Live and I Learn and I Live Again

I broke up with my EMDR counselor today.  

It was nothing personal.  She is a phenomenal counselor, possibly in the top two of all the counselors I have had the privilege of interacting with in my life.  

However, I couldn’t justify spending $140 a week, every week, to discuss our financial burdens.  It seemed counterintuitive to say the least.  At present, that is really the only significant issue we are facing.  That and finding time for ourselves and one another amidst parenting a 3 year old.  We’ve survived it once already, though, so we know it is just growing pains.  We roll with it easily most of the time.

I recognize that our financial burdens are still very privileged, such as finding it difficult to afford weekly sessions with some of the best counselors in the area.  Never the less, they are still burdens that require a lot of careful juggling and priority setting.  At the beginning of the month, we make a list of all of our goals and then we prioritize them.  So many of them just get transferred from one month to the next.  

I always wonder, with every action I take, am I self sabotaging?  

This is a huge concept in positive psychology.  Am I choosing to do this to serve me in the best way possible?  It’s kind of a scary concept, when you force yourself into complete responsibility for your actions.  One way or another, I will suffer consequences for my decision.  Will they be positive or negative?  

Considering what brought me into counseling this year, it’s a huge question.  Have I learned from my actions?  Will I repeat them?  Have I found the skill set I need to rise above reacting in similar difficult situations?  

I think so.  I certainly hope so.  If not, then I hope our marriage counselor will supply a decent safety net should anything difficult arise. 

All in all, though, there are so many other things that I value in my life right now.  I want to be able to have a homebirth.  I would love to move to a bigger house.  I find a lot of healing in kundalini yoga, which has the same purpose as EMDR counseling, removing negative emotions stored in the body.  I want my son to be able to attend his preschool that he loves so much. I am a foodie snob and will not eat anything other than high quality, local foods.  We have a monthly order with dōTERRA that we view as a huge investment in the health and wellness of our entire family.  My husband loves eating out with every ounce of his being, and I like for him to have that ability as often as he pleases.  

I am perfectly imperfect, and I am hoping this choice serves us in a tremendous way.  If not, well, I am good at failing big and turning around and recovering in a timely manner.  Big failures mean big lessons, right?  

Life is all about learning.  Learning happens with taking risks.  Fingers crossed for good results.  


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